1451 c/o Crispin Best

      
The Man in the Vest


Action is happening on the TV screen. The Man in the Vest opens a can of beer and drinks one quarter of the can in quick gulps. The Man in the Vest stands up and slams the can down on the coffee table and beer foam sprays up out of the top.

       The Man in the Vest looks at the TV and pushes the TV off the TV stand. The TV lands on the ground and there is a spark and little flames start burning. The Man in the Vest pours the rest of his beer onto the flaming TV set and there is another sound and a spark. There are tiny flames in the TV screen still and the TV screen burns.

       The Man in the Vest crushes the beer can and throws it out of his open window. He slams his front door behind him as he leaves his house and a mirror in a house across the street breaks. The Man in the Vest shouts,

       - Shut UP!

       A man wearing a sombrero looks up from his fire hydrant and squints and starts running towards The Man in the Vest. The Man in the Sombrero is screaming and waving his arms as he runs. The Man in the Vest looks at The Man in the Sombrero and smiles. The Man in the Sombrero is shouting,

       - Where are my glasses?! What have you done with my spectacles?!?

       The Man in the Vest looks down at the beer can on his front lawn and slowly pulls a revolver out of overcoat and points it at The Man in the Sombrero. The Man in the Sombrero slows down and The Man in the Vest shouts,

       - Don't make me do it, Joe!

       The Man in the Sombrero stops and spits and looks at The Man in the Vest and says,

       - Where… are my glasses?

       The Man in the Vest uncocks his revolver and puts it back in his overcoat and nods and spits. He opens up his overcoat and stands there and looks at The Man in the Sombrero and shouts,

       - I have lots of glasses! Which ones were yours?! How am I supposed to remember which ones were yours?!

       Beneath his overcoat, The Man in the Vest is naked apart from his vest and his penis sniffs the air. There are nineteen pairs of glasses hanging from loops stitched into the lining of The Man in the Vest’s overcoat and The Man with the Sombrero shouts,

       - Why do you have so many pairs of glasses?!

       The Man in the Vest shouts back,

       - I don’t care!

       The Man with the Sombrero looks at the glasses and points at one of the pairs and seems calmer and nods his head and says,

       - Those ones are mine, the Buddy Holly ones. Thank you.

       The Man in the Vest takes the Buddy Holly glasses out from their loop and says,

       - These ones?

       The Man in the Sombrero nods and The Man in the Vest drops the glasses on the ground. The Man in the Sombrero makes a quiet sound and reaches a hand out and The Man in the Vest stamps on the glasses and there is a crunching sound. The Man in the Vest pulls his overcoat closed and does the buttons back up and shouts,

       - Happy now?!

       The Man in the Sombrero clenches his jaw and shakes his head. He takes a step towards The Man in the Vest but The Man in the Vest pulls out the revolver again and shouts,

       - I don’t care about your glasses, Joe! Remember what happened last time?!

       The Man in the Sombrero bends down and massages his knee and looks at The Man in the Vest and makes a small sound.

       The Man in the Vest kicks what’s left of the Buddy Holly glasses towards The Man in the Sombrero and shouts,

       - I… don’t… care.

       The Man in the Sombrero goes to pick up his glasses but just kneels there and cries for a little while and a hot air balloon goes in front of the sun. The Man in the Sombrero picks up the glasses and puts them on his face and they are bent and don’t fit properly and he can’t see anything and he cries there in the huge shadow.

       The Man in the Vest watches him for a second and snorts and then turns and starts to run down the street. He is pointing the revolver at people as he runs past and he hears them scream and he shoots a bullet into the air. The bullet goes very high into the air and then comes back down and lands and makes a small impression in the Earth.

       The Man in the Vest shoots a bullet at a bird’s nest and kills two baby birds. The Man in the Vest runs across a street when there is a red light and two cars swerve to avoid him and crash into each other and both the drivers suffer severe spinal injuries. The Man in the Vest punches a baby in a pram and makes a zipping motion across his mouth with his fingers and points at the woman pushing the pram. The Man in the Vest runs past a beggar and he kicks the beggar’s hat and coins fly everywhere and the beggar puts his hands over his ears and tears roll down his cheeks.

       The Man in the Vest laughs. The Man in the Vest laughs very loudly and his body shakes and people push their bodies against walls as he runs past them laughing. A child buries its face in its mother's crotch and feels interested and the mother strokes the child's head.

       The Man in the Vest starts to slow down because he is near to where he is going. The Man in the Vest goes up the steps of a building and into the front door of the building. The Man in the Vest says hello to people in the building and smiles. The building is where he works. The building is the police station! The vest was a bullet proof vest!! He is a police officer!!!